Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
