Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
