You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
