Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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