I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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