Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
did i walk over a car last night?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
