thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize