I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
