FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have post one night stand depression
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