This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
