Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Randomize
