My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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