I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
