I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Screwed.edu
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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