i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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