I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
