the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
