dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hippo gnu deer
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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