Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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