Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
