You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i think i just lost a toe
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
