I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
