I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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