Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize