that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
