**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How naked do you want me to be?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
