i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am one with the molecules
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
