Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
