Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
