Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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