goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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