Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize