since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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