Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
