I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
