i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize