You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
