If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
