so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
