What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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