I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
