Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
