Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
