I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
