drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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