You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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