Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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