I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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