Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
