Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
