we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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