Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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