I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
