Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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