I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
