Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
