Since when is my name a synonym for head?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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