I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
