So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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