two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
